Ravenous - * 1/2*

Ah, what could be better than the return of the good ol’ fashioned cannibal movie? Well, judging from Ravenous, quite a bit, actually. Though it nearly hits its stride as a black comedy, the film never quite finds its rhythym, and falters when it turns into a hybrid monster movie.

The film follows a war hero of the Mexican-American war, John Boyd (Guy Pearce). An accidental hero, Boyd’s true cowardice is suspected by his superior (John Spencer). And, though promoted to Captain, Boyd is sent to a remote outpost in the California wilderness

The soldiers at the fort are eccentric and ususual (played by Jeffrey Jones, David Arquette, Jeremy Davies and Neal McDonough among others). But things take a turn for the bizarre when a stranger (Robert Carlyle) arrives at the fort with a dreadful tale of a settler expedition that turned to cannibalism during the harsh winter.

The soldiers mount a rescue party to see if they can locate any survivors. However, Boyd learns of a peculiar Native American legend. A man who eats the flesh of another becomes a wendigo, a vampire of sorts, who grows in strength, and appetite, with each mouthful of human flesh. Could this monstrous legend be true, and, if so, how can the soldiers hope to stop the beast?

Ravenous falls somewhere between being an out-and-out monster movie, and a very dark comedy, and it probably would have fared better as one or the other. As implemented in the film, the comic tone works better. In fact, when the film strays into the supernatural, things seem out of place, and don’t quite click.

Robert Carlyle is a perfect fit for this film. His wiry, menacing presence has always been a bit on the feral side. However, Guy Pearce is a weak link in this film. Whereas his quiet fortitude worked wonders in L.A. Confidential, it never seems at home here.

From its unusual scoring, to its casting, it is apparent that Ravenous is trying to be quirky. Sometimes it works (with a great performance by Jeffrey Jones), but mostly it doesn’t (as with the overly distracting nature of the score). The search for the perfect cannibal movie continues…

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Forces of Nature - * * 1/2*

Part road movie, part romantic comedy, Forces of Nature takes several overfamiliar plots and, well, repeats them. It’s certainly not innovative, but it does have its moments.

Ben (Ben Affleck) is about to be married. His fiancee, Bridget (Maura Tierney) is waiting for him in Savannah, where the wedding is set to take place in a few days. All Ben has to do is travel from New York to Savannah. Easy, right? Not so fast…

With a seemingly unstoppable streak of bad luck, Ben’s path is thwarted in some way each step of the way. To further complicate things, he meets the free-spirited Sarah (Sandra Bullock), also on her way to Savannah.

The pair use nearly every method of transportation aside from pogo sticks in their travels, but are always diverted in one way or another. Will Ben reach Savannah in time for his wedding? Will he still want to get married after his wild adventures? Will the audience’s still care?

It is hard to watch Forces of Nature without thinking that the filmmakers must have been heavily influenced by the Steve Martin-John Candy comedy Planes, Trains and Automobiles. In fact the plot feels like a watered down version of that earlier comedy, with a little romance mixed in. The misadventures of Ben and Sarah are never truly inspired, but do have the odd moments of humor.

The screenplay does little to ward off the strange feelings of deja vu. The film is never subtle about its foreshadowing. For example, the film’s opening scene focuses on a weather forecast showing a hurricane heading straight for Savannah. This warning is repeated multiple times throughout the film. The only thing that comes as a surprise is the fact that none of the characters in the film seem to be aware of what’s coming.

Still, despite the odd feeling that you’ve been here before, the cast is able to make the journey worthwhile. Surprisingly, it isn’t due to the leads who, though likeable, spark little chemistry. It’s the supporting cast that makes this one shine. From Maura Tierney to Richard Schiff, the little roles make the movie. Particular credit goes to Steve Zahn for perking up the few scenes he’s in as the wild and crazy best man.

To wrap things up, Forces of Nature contorts itself to deliver an ending that is neither crowd-pleasing nor believable. It’s the final puzzlement in a puzzlement of a movie.

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EDtv - * * *

EDtv

Instant fame is a dream of many, but at what cost does it come? Director Ron Howard’s latest film, Ed TV, takes a critical look at the price of celebrity. This comedy doesn’t pack as hefty a punch as it hopes for, but it is often funny enough that it doesn’t matter.

TrueTV is a cable network in search of a gimmick, and, after a brainstorm, programming executive Cynthia (Ellen DeGeneres) believes she has found one. The network will broadcast the life of an average American, live and uncut, 24 hours a day.

After a nationwide search, the lucky winner is Ed Pekurny (Matthew McConaughey), a video store clerk in San Francisco. Talked into the gimmick by his brother Ray (Woody Harrelson), Ed thinks that gaining instant fame will be fun.

But, after a while, the lack of privacy starts to sink home. As Ed becomes a celebrity, cracks begin to appear in his previously stable family. First, Ed begins an affair with Ray’s girlfriend, Shari (Jenna Elfman). Soon, long buried family secrets begin to surface, and Ed desperately searches for a way out.

On first glance, Ed TV seems to sound an awful lot like last year’s The Truman Show. Both films do feature 24-hour tv shows revolving around the life of one man. In fact, both movies feature nearly the same reaction shots of “typical” members of the television audience. However, whereas The Truman Show was analyzing the boundaries between reality and entertainment, Ed TV is more interested in examining the culture of celebrity.

Though Ed TV’s criticisms about the ultimate cost of fame ring true, the underlying concept of a popular 24-hour channel devoted to Ed just doesn’t seem plausible. An edited show, maybe…but in today’s instant gratification culture, it’s hard to imagine a show where days or weeks would pass before something actually happens.

But, with several months compressed into a two-hour film, there’s hardly a lack of activity in the movie, Ed TV. In fact, it begins to seem odd that so many big and important events occur in Ed’s life during these few months. A few of the moments seem a bit too scripted (the cat scene, for one), but nearly all are enjoyable.

Ed TV does certainly have a stellar cast. In addition to those mentioned above, Rob Reiner, Dennis Hopper, Elizabeth Hurley and Sally Kirkland also star. In the film’s most enjoyable role, Martin Landau shines as Al, Ed’s stepfather. He simply steals every scene he’s in.

The conclusion of Ed TV feels a bit rushed. The heretofore amiable network all of a sudden is painted as pure evil. But, even if the wrapup lacks dramatic weight, the movie delivers quite a good time getting there.

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Wing Commander - *

Wing Commander

Just ask anyone who’s seen Super Mario Brothers, the Movie, making worthy film adaptations of computer games is a difficult business. Most computer games are light on plot and characterization to provide maximum interactivity. Film adaptations strip away that interactivity, and leave very little in its place. Such is the case with Wing Commander, a Star Wars wannabe that makes even Super Mario start to look good…

The plot of the Wing Commander movie tackles the Kilrathi war, which was the subject of the first three Wing Commander computer games. The Kilrathi are an evil alien race, bent to conquer the galaxy. In the games, they were furry and tigerlike…here they’re more like shell-free turtles, but it doesn’t really matter. They’re never given more definition than “the enemy”, so they could be microscopic guinea pigs, for all it matters.

The Kilrathi have stolen a key piece of Terran technology which is, essentially, a map to Earth. The foolish Earthlings have pooled their entire starfleet in the farthest corner of the galaxy, and their fleet will arrive to defend earth a mere two hours too late. There’s only one hope for the future of Earth: a lone carrier, the T.C.S. Tiger’s Claw, can attempt to delay the entire Kilrathi battle fleet at a key navigational jump point, or die trying.

The Tiger’s Claw’s orders are relayed by two rookie pilots, Blair (Freddie Prinze Jr.) and Maniac (Matthew Lillard), and one mysterious pilot (Tcheky Karyo). Blair has a peculiar cross to bear (literally). His mother was a “pilgrim”, an advanced race of human beings who eschewed humanity to take to the stars. Normal humans, including most of the crew of the Tiger’s Claw, don’t really care for his presence. However, that doesn’t stop him from striking up a relationship with his wing commander, “Angel” Devereaux (Saffron Burrows).

Those familiar with the computer game series will know that it has always been highly cinematic in its presentation. It’s no surprise, then, that it was chosen for a movie adaptation. What is surprising, however, is how horrible this adaptation has turned out.

Rather than present a rousing space-bound action adventure, the filmmakers instead chose to present Wing Commander as a WWII war film. An entire sequence is even cribbed from Das Boot as the Tiger’s Claw plays submarine, beached in an asteroid crater while a Kilrathi “destroyer” pings up above. They’ve even enlisted Jurgen Prochnow to play the worried commander of the ship. The film would have been better off without obviously drawing the comparison to a much better piece of cinema.

Despite several attempts, Wing Commander is never able to create a sense of tension or even consequence in any of its battle sequences. Even the computer game’s battles seemed of more import than these glossy FX compilations. Virtually every battle is extremely lopsided, with the heroes slaughtering every Kilrathi ship in sight, while suffering nearly no casualties themselves. When they do, the tragedy is horridly overplayed.

Freddie Prinze Jr. is a mostly featureless and dull hero, making you long for the fine thespian stylings of Mark Hamill (who played the role in the computer games). He’s certainly not helped by the film’s inane script, which constantly feeds him pointless dialogue. But even in his silent moments, his wooden acting is composed primarily of a slack face and mooning eyes. At least co-star Matthew Lillard attempts to add some energy to his role, even if he is playing the same “wild-and-crazy” bit that he’s done in all his prior films.

The special effects of Wing Commander aren’t. The opening shows promise, but quickly the monotonous space battles prove to be a dark and murky jumble of flashing lights and bland shadows. But the outer space special effects positively shine when compared with the puppetry of the Kilrathi, who look like rejects from Dr. Who.

There was a brief time when Wing Commander was nearly destined to go direct-to-video. That may have been a more fitting place, though I would recommend avoiding this cosmic accident even in the video bargain bins.

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The Rage: Carrie 2 - 1/2*

Most horror films are hesitant to trumpet their lack of originality. That’s not the case with The Rage: Carrie 2, which displays its copycat plot proudly. It has to…there’s not much else which connects this film with the original Carrie. It’s certainly nowhere near the dubious quality of Brian DePalma’s mid-70s teen horror film. Heck, even Stephen King’s name is no longer associated with this project (which should tell you quite a lot).

The Rage can call itself a sequel to Carrie by the thinnest thread. Sue Snell (Amy Irving), one of the tormenting teens of the original, is the only returning character. She has grown up into a school guidance counselor, determined to prevent the type of telekenetic violence she instigated twenty years earlier.

Emily Bergl stars as Rachel Lang, the teen you don’t want to mess with in this sequel. Unlike the original Carrie, Rachel isn’t a complete outcast. She’s bonded with another white trash goth girl named Lisa (Mena Suvari), who also has low self-esteem. However, both girls are about to run afoul of the “popular” crowd.

It seems that the local jocks have a game they’ve been playing: to deflower and dump as many pathetic girls as possible. Lisa’s reaction as a victim of this cruel game is predictable, but it really only serves as a plot device to further isolate Rachel.

When sensitive jock Jesse (Jason London) befriends Rachel, are his feelings true? Or is he merely luring her into a cunning trap which will unleash her psychic fury to kill?!? (Seeing as this is a “Carrie” movie, which do you think?)

In a strained attempt to link itself to the earlier film, The Rage contains several “flashbacks” to the original Carrie (most of which are quite a stretch). It even goes so far as to replay the original’s “They’re all going to laugh at you” line over and over again on the soundtrack. The effect seems more pathetic than frightening. It’s as if the new film realizes it has failed to create anything even mildly creepy, and must dredge up the memories of the past in an attempt to shock.

The film is almost robotic in its mimicry of the original Carrie. At least the first film had originality on its side. With The Rage: Carrie 2, every step of the plot is irritatingly obvious, even to those who never saw the first film. You would at least think that, with such a detailed blueprint, the film would move along at a decent pace. Wrong again. The film is painfully sluggish in creeping towards its inevitable conclusion.

But, of course, the characters are completely oblivious of the utter predictability of their situation. No one even pays the slightest heed when windshields shatter without cause, and the school lockers have the darndest habit of exploding open at random times. These things would raise flags even in a town which hasn’t had an entire senior class slaughtered by telekinetic violence. The filmmakers behind The Rage: Carrie 2 must be as oblivious as these students!

Certainly as an audience member, you wish you had their amazing powers of ignorance, both during and after the movie. As a horror film, The Rage: Carrie 2 is more likely to elicit groans than shrieks.

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The Deep End of the Ocean - * * 1/2*

The Deep End of the Ocean

The Deep End of the Ocean is the type of tragic drama that is most often seen as a TV movie-of-the-week. Based on Jacquelyn Mitchard’s novel, it paints a stark, depressing picture, and adds a glimmer of hope intermingled with a tough moral decision. The result is choppy at times, moving at others, yet never offers anything mandating a trip to the theater.

In 1988, Beth and Pat (Michelle Pfieffer and Treat Williams) had a seemingly “perfect” life. However, that life crumbles down around them in an instant. In a crowded hotel lobby, Beth loses track of her three year old son, Ben…and he is gone.

In the nine years which follow, their entire family must learn to cope with the grief. Beth is the most obviously pain-stricken, but her older son, Vincent (played by Cory Buck and Jonathan Jackson) is extremely hard hit, retreating into a shell of rebelliousness.

And then, a miracle occurs…or does it? Beth notices that a neighbor boy, Sam Karras (Ryan Merriman), looks an awful lot like her missing son. But his single father, George (John Kapelos), doesn’t seem to be a kidnapper. Is she mistaken about one, or both, of them? If she is right, what should be done?

The pacing of The Deep End of the Ocean feels obviously condensed. Each scene is connected, but rarely seems to flow with the ones fore and aft. The experience is not unlike reading every other chapter in a book. The gist of the story is there, but so is a feeling that something is missing.

The film paints its way straight into a corner. The moral morass demands that, whatever the outcome, it won’t be a happy one. And yet, impossibly, and implausibly, the film tidies things up too neatly.

The performances are good throughout, although Whoopi Goldberg seems to be misused as a police investigator. The strongest performance in the film comes from John Kapelos, as Sam’s father. In a few simple scenes, he is able to create a character both sympathetic and memorable.

The Deep End of the Ocean does have its emotional moments. What film about losing a child would be complete without them? But, you expect a little bit more from a film at the cinema. Truth be told, The Deep End of the Ocean is not much different from the run-of-the-mill crisis-bound tearjerker that you’ll find every week on television. This one will wait for video.

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The Corruptor - * *

The Corruptor

The Corruptor promises a mix of Hong Kong style action with a gritty New York cop drama, and it partially delivers each. The action sequences are entertaining, but not electric; the drama is interesting, but hardly original.

The Corruptor opens as a standard buddy cop flick, with rookie Danny Wallace (Mark Wahlberg) being assigned to the Asian Crime Unit under the reluctant tutelage of Nick Chen (Chow Yun-Fat). Chen is the type of cop who is willing to cause millions of dollars of damage if it means the bad guy goes down. He doesn’t particularly appreciate being saddled with a rookie, especially in these tough times.

Chinatown is under a severe gang war. The long established Tong mob, led by the venerable Uncle Benny (Kim Chan), is confronted with the young and violent Fukinese Dragons. The cops from the ACU aren’t expected to solve anything. Rather, their job is to try and keep the violence to a minimum in order to protect tourism.

It soon becomes clear that Detective Chen is on the Tong payroll… but is he a bad cop? That’s a question the young Danny must answer, and quickly too, as he soon finds himself approached by Tong agents. Will the lure of quick cash amid a hopeless situation corrupt Danny as well?

Fans of Chow Yun-Fat will be happy to know that the Hong Kong action superstar is much more at ease in his second Hollywood film than his first, The Replacement Killers. The bullets fly fast and furious, and, though director James Foley is no John Woo when it comes to an action sequence, he is able to make the action tense and somewhat exciting.

But the highly unrealistic action sequences seem out of place in this gritty crime drama that, apparently, is intended to be steeped in the truth. Even for those accustomed to taking their cop movies with a grain of salt, The Corruptor proves hard to swallow.

One of the problems is with Mark Wahlberg’s character. He starts out believably as a green rookie, stunned motionless at the first gunfight he encounters. However, as the film progresses, his character quickly metamorphoses into a savvy super action hero, complete with an encyclopedic knowledge of Chinese. Audience members who leave to fetch popcorn might think they’ve returned to the wrong movie.

Ignoring the film’s excesses, the plot of The Corruptor is at least interesting, if a bit routine. The story of cops on the take has been analyzed before by countless other films and TV shows. The Corruptor does manage to throw in an interesting twist or two, but it wraps things up a bit too neatly…robbing the characters of the opportunity to make a tough moral decision.

The action sequences of The Corruptor wouldn’t be terribly compromised if viewed on the small screen…a place where the cop drama elements would seem right at home.

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Baby Geniuses - 1/2*

Baby Geniuses

Going in to the movie Baby Geniuses, I tried to reassure myself that the movie couldn’t nearly be as bad as its premise makes it seem. After all, some good talent (Kathleen Turner, Christopher Lloyd, Dom DeLuise) is attached, and the idea of intelligent talking babies could be cute… Boy, was I wrong!

Unbeknownst to the rest of the world, young babies are actually geniuses. Children are born knowing all the secrets of the universe, and communicate in their own “pre-language” (which sounds exactly like babbling to grown-ups), though they can read and understand every other spoken language. At the age of two or so, the babies “cross over”, forgetting everything they once knew.

The evil day care scientist Elena (Kathleen Turner) suspects this, mainly by stealing ideas from Dan (Peter MacNicol), the husband of her niece, Robin (Kim Catrall). Elena, with the help her henchman, Heep (Christopher Lloyd), has been running secret tests on babies and toddlers in the hopes of cultivating the world’s next batch of geniuses.

As part of her evil plans, Elena has separated two identical twins: Sly and Witt (played by Leo, Myles and Gerry Fitzgerald). Sly has been raised in her underground “Kinder” bunker with a batch of proto-geniuses. Witt, on the other hand, is being raised by the unwitting Robin and Dan. But Sly is difficult to keep in captivity. The smartest kid in the world, he is capable of building sophisticated electronics out of the simplest legos, and before you know it, he is on his way to explore the real world.

The technology used to make the children talk, perform karate, and so on is actually fairly good…about the only good thing that exists the movie. However, no matter how good the means are, there’s no justification for the ends. The supposedly “intelligent” babies making juvenile wisecracks is one thing…when they start disco dancing, you’ll start praying for that coma to strike.

The flimsy plot is merely an excuse to go from one overly “cute” scene to another even more so. I’ll admit it, the first few giggling, talking babies are a little cute…but by giggling baby shot #503 the prospect becomes simply terrifying. An idea which would have been excessively cloying in a mere television commercial is practically numbing when seen on the big screen. However, the experience is so painful that you’ll wish it provided full anasthesia.

Whatever happened to Kathleen Turner? She hasn’t made a decent film in ten years…and Baby Geniuses is certainly no exception. The only thing she has going for her in this film is that she’s the villain. Any enemy of those babies must be a friend, even if she’s a friend with a one-note monotonous performance.

This is a film so completely bankrupt of ideas that the last few minutes are composed entirely of short clips from elsewhere in the film…as if anyone would want to relive this travesty, even in the form of bite-sized none sequiturs. Why couldn’t they have simply ended the film a bit earlier and given the unfortunate few who stayed during the whole film a tiny bit of their lives back?

For those of you tempted to see this movie, just pop in your Ally McBeal “Dancing Baby” videotape, and thank me later.

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Cruel Intentions - * * 1/2*

Cruel Intentions

Coderelos De Laclos’ novel Les Liasons Dangereuses has been adapted several times before, and into better movies than Cruel Intentions. However, this latest adaptation is perhaps the most inventive, and certainly holds its own against the current glut of teen-centric films.

Rich teens are apparently jaded at an early age. Just take a look at the step-siblings, Kathryn Merteuil (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Sebastian Valmont (Ryan Phillippe). Though still in high school, both are manipulative sexual predators, each taking a different tack. Sebastian wears his roguish cruelty like a badge of honor, taking delight in causing misery to those foolish enough to fall in love with him. Kathryn, on the other hand, while equally devoted to causing misery, hides her schemes behind the veil of being the perfect student at her ultra-rich private academy.

Sebastian has his sights set on his greatest conquest yet: to deflower the new headmaster’s daughter, Annette Hargrove (Reese Witherspoon), a teen with morals (gasp!), who has actually proclaimed her celibacy in a feature in Seventeen magazine. Sebastian is so confident that he can bed her that he engages a wager with his sister: if he loses, she gets his classic car…but if he wins, the two siblings get to engage in a session of wild sex.

Kathryn, however, spends her summer seeking revenge. Her ex-boyfriend dumped her for a naive twit, Cecile Caldwell (Selma Blair). Kathryn decides to seek her revenge by poisoning the mind of Cecile. It’s an intricate plot involving both Sebastian, and Cecile’s overly-friendly cello teacher, Ronald Clifford (Sean Patrick Thomas).

Though it is never able to surpass its cinematic precursors, Dangerous Liasons and Valmont, Cruel Intentions survives the transition from a romantic costume drama to a teen sex film surprisingly intact. Where else but in the world of teen politics could you find a realm to rival the cruelties of the French aristocracy?

However, the shadow of the earlier films haunts Cruel Intentions mercilessly. Ryan Phillippe, for example, seems to be doing his best to channel John Malkovich for his role. It may be a performance worth emulating, but it hardly wins Phillippe any points for originality. At least Sarah Michelle Gellar doesn’t try to emulate Glenn Close. However, her character is saddled with such over-the-top idiosyncracies, such as a coke spoon hidden in a crucifix, that it is difficult to see her as much more than a comical villain.

Selma Blair seems pathetically out of place as the innocent Cecile, a fact not helped by her incessant overacting. She’s nearly matched by the odd histrionics of Sean Patrick Thomas. However, at least his forced indignation can be mostly attributed to a faltering script.

But, those imperfections aside, Cruel Intentions has a head start on the run-of-the-mill teen sex romp: a good story. There’s actually a plot at work here! Sure, at times the complex machinations seem to be far above the capacities of the teens in the cast, but, if you’re willing to give it a chance, there’s a good bet you’ll be entertained.

The film stumbles a bit at its conclusion, modified (only a slight bit) from the book, but in a way that seems jarringly false. Still, you could certainly do worse than Cruel Intentions, which, though clumsy at times, at least is not brain-suckingly vapid. However, after watching Cruel Intentions, rent Dangerous Liasons, to see how the story should really be done.

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8MM - * 1/2*

Have you been dying to know just how sick, twisted and decayed the human soul can become? Well, look no further. 8MM is a prime example of bleak vérité. But, though it has bleakness in spades, 8MM lacks anything worthwhile to be engaging.

Detective Tom Welles (Nicolas Cage) is in over his head. He has been hired by a rich widow (Myra Carter) who has discovered what she believes to be a snuff film in her late husband’s belongings. Upset over the atrocity, she wants Detective Welles to ascertain whether the film is authentic or merely a disturbing hoax.

Stumbling upon one incredulously lucky break after another, Welles follows the trail to Hollywood. There, he meets up with Max California (Joaquin Phoenix), an adult bookstore clerk who takes him on a tour of the seamy world of illegal pornography.

As the depravities Welles encounters get worse and worse, his case turns into a personal quest. He needs to understand the pivotal question: why? Why is pure evil allowed to exist? But will understanding the answer to that question cost him his own sanity?

Many of the conclusions drawn by 8MM were also made by screenwriter Andrew Kevin Walker’s superior 1995 effort, Seven. However, not only does 8MM lack the earlier film’s strong characterizations and sense of structure, but 8MM director Joel Schumacher isn’t able to create a visual style anywhere near comparison.

Nicolas Cage has the misfortune to play an everyman character whose most sympathetic trait is the fact that, well, he’s being played by Nic Cage. He is never able to connect with the audience, even though he is intended to be their guide to the underworld.

Joaquin Phoenix’ Max California at least has a few character quirks that he can play upon, whereas Cage is given only one (he pretends he doesn’t smoke, although he does). But, then again, Phoenix exists primarily as a way to take the movie deeper and deeper into the world of porn. (Though it works structurally, it doesn’t really make much sense in the movie. Since Detective Welles is looking for some highly illegal stuff, why doesn’t he simply start with the bottom dwellers instead of working his way down?)

8MM is the type of movie that, though not particularly poorly made, makes you seriously wonder, “why am I watching this?” It’s not merely that the movie is depressing and/or sordid (though it is). But there has to be something that engages you among the depressive sordidness… and that crucial part is missing from 8MM.

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