The Pest - [No Tickets]

The Pest is a revoltingly bad stinker that is easily in the running for the worst film of the decade. John Leguizamo stars as Pestario “The Pest” Vargas, a Miami con man who begins to annoy and grate on your nerves about .5 seconds after he appears on screen. Now, this isn’t the nice kind of annoying, where there’s a certain endearing quality about the character’s obnoxiousness. Nor is this annoyance the love-to-hate-it quality of many a raffish prankster. No…this is the gorge-rising-in-the-throat annoyance that inspires pure hatred. If you remain in the theater at this point, it is only because there is the tiniest of tiniest hopes that The Pest will die onscreen, and a small little spark of joy will rekindle in your heart. What inspires this foolish hope? Well, a Nazi big game hunter named Gustav (Jeffrey Jones in a role that makes his appearance in Howard the Duck look like a brilliant career move) desires to hunt the most dangerous game. In a mixup, The Pest is brought to Gustav’s island, where, for 24 hours, he becomes the prey in Gustav’s sights. However, soon the realization dawns that Gustav is a Nazi, and Nazis never win…so the Pest will live and you will be subjected to another 80 minutes of torture and anguish. Make the smart move…leave the theater, or better yet, don’t go in the first place.